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i'm always the awkward one
i can be a full time blogger and not work my life off?

been really damn awkward turtle in my current company. Weird "rules"
Funny people that purposely speak a 3rd language I do not know in front of me. (i mean when i not there they were talking in chinese/english, when i appear 3rd language channel) -.-

I work to gain experience and put what i've learn and "return" back to society. And of course I get money in return.

But why should I even try to be nice when they are not. I have "evident" from other colleagues. Or rather ex-colleague of my current co. It's mentally torture thinking what they are saying and thinking about me. Yes, I care a lot of what people say. Isn't it norm for people to know what others think about you. I'm the victim and also the "murderer" in this kind of s. That's why I try to stop myself of saying behinds people back. Unless they started it or I really hates you. But those people in my co? It's their everyday topic, literally everyday. Does this happen like in this screw up society? Why are all this happening? Don't they feel hurt when people talk bad about them, when they fucking do nothing? Just tiam tiam sit there also kana. Just because I'm fugly?

I should totally go for operation. Plastic surgery and libosuction surgery(suck out fat one). Maybe like that people will stop saying bad thing about me.

Is being too quiet a fault? I have social anxiety. I cannot socialize. I even have stage fright. I cannot talk to stranger, I can even do a presentation in front of like 2 people. How should I do? Who can help?

I need to see doctor.

Posted at 5:07 PM | 0 comments
for a start, i would change
This will probably be my last post before I change to a new blog URL. Oh well.

Posted at 1:41 PM | 0 comments
i think and wait too long
This is most probably the last time i would wanna blog about my work.

Why do i have this feeling every Monday? I guess I can't explain in words too.

I have been looking out for job, saw much AP and few AR jobs. Not sure if I should give up my current job, because I'm not ready for a job change, an interview or even a new environment. I'm those like cold blooded animal(yes I said animal) cannot adapt to huge changes, facing new people, working at a new environment, making changes to my daily life(okay maybe not this but yeah get my point).

No I'm not that ready. I needed at least 2 weeks break before going into a new job. BUT, how am I going to survive that 2 weeks? (financially)

I could have been braver.


Posted at 5:35 PM | 0 comments
No reason to stay is a good reason to go
If there is one in a hundred reason for me to stay, I will stay.

But if there is one in a hundred reason for me to leave, I will go.

This is whether I'm being optimistic of pessimistic.
One good reason to stay VS 99 bad reasons to leave
One bad reason to leave VS 99 good reasons to stay

I am thinking why should I stay when there is only one factor that makes me stay.
And why should I leave when there is only one factor that cause me to be unhappy.

I'm sitting on the fence right now. I do not know what I really want.
Not there's literately only one reasons for me to stay nor 99 reasons to leave.

Most probably I should list it out.

Reasons to stay.
1. No need for OT even work not complete.
2. No weekends work.
3. No need work at home situation
(of course the above reason are just the culture here, if work ain't complete we do have to be "automatic")
4. Great colleagues! (Some)
5. Let me just stop here...

Reasons to leave (plenty)
1. I don't have anyone to depend on, in terms of work.
2. Most probably I dislike the level my department is with.
3. I cannot handle stress (I know right where have no stress!)
4. Comparison (hope it just here, thou I hate losing)
5. People her don't take responsibility (just one or two) and kept pushing their job to me zzzz
6. Inconvenient location
7. and okay, maybe I should think why I am not suitable for the job instead.

Head up, encourage, and stand strong.
I can do it, let me complete my two years here with experience exposure and whatever before decided to leave for a better place.

No reason to stay is a good reason to go. Well..

Posted at 11:42 AM | 0 comments
No idea what nonsense i was blogging yesterday.

Let's fight haze! The best part, my company bought mask for everyone! (Y)

Posted at 5:39 PM | 0 comments
i guess things does change
Even a coin has two sides.

I am a two sided person, i miss my long hair, yet i still love my short hair.

*i guess i am still suitable for the longer one*

Posted at 5:56 PM | 0 comments
Half alive
I could have cough my lung out, sneeze my nose away & spreading viruses to everyone else.

oh god why am I always sick when it's near my birthday! ):

okay, update real soon.

Posted at 4:11 PM | 0 comments

say hai
Enter the book of hell | I Twit Rant
Not sure what else I could say here.
Okay My name is Pek Qi Mei call me Se7eN

Scream here
Let me settle my chatbox code
main while twit me at @Se7eNPQM


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